Hey Daddy, There is no need to tell you what is going on, since you are Heaven watching over us. But it looks nice when I write it. You know Daddy it was pretty rough those 3 years that you lived with me. Not that I regret that decision for it was one of the best decisions I made. But the fact I watched you die a little more each day. You never knew in Nov 2005, the Doctor's gave you a year to live, you never knew that the anerysum grew from a 5.5 to a 9.2. I told the family not to tell you cause I knew you would will yourself to die. You never knew when I walked down those 13 steps in to the den, as I took each step, I would call your name until you answered me. You never knew in those 3 years I watched you as you sleep and with each breath you took, I said a little "Thank You" You never knew the 58 times I took you or the ambulance did, I said a silent prayer to God "God please not this time." Did I ever tell you how proud I was when you walked the bridge at church with your cane in one hand and your oxygen tank in the other professing your love for God? Did I ever tell you how proud I was to be able to interview and put your book together, all 400 pages for all those to see and for your stories Daddy to be passed down from generation to generation? Daddy, God blessed us so much. He not only allowed you to talk to us everyday until the day before you passed. I remember saying "Hey Daddy and you would reply, "Hi Darlin" Daddy, did you know how much I prayed to God, "God please take him in his sleep for another Heart Attack or the large anerysum burst would be too much for me too bear'. Daddy, he answered our prayers. Daddy, do you remember holding my hand in your left hand for days and Loretta and Jill's in your right hand. Do you rmemeber the sound of your favorite old bluegrass music, Did you hear me, Loretta and Jill calling to you the last few minutes of you your life, "I love you Daddy, did you hear your son - in - law Lee yelling "I love you Old Man", how about my sons, "I love you Papa". You held our hands when you took your last three breaths and you never let go of our hands. Daddy, Molly paced the floor wanting to sit on your hospital bed, Daddy did you feel her fur when I allowed her to hop up on your bed at your feet as she had done many times. I covered your hand up cause you hated it when she licked your hand. Oh Daddy, I know you were standing beside me when they carried your body out covered in the American Flag, Daddy it took my breath away, I had never been so proud of you. Did you see all the people from church, from both churches. They put aside their differences to honor you and to comfort the family. I know you are using the new fishing pole that your grandson Jason put in the casket, (by the way, earth green your favorite color) and your great grandson Zachary put one in there cause remember, you always fish with more than one fishing pole. Your great grandchild Ambirlee and Koleby put pictures of you and them last Christmas. Your grandson Justin put your favorite wrestling movie in their that you two use to watch. I put Molly's collar and nametag and a cassette to use the next time I see you and Loretta cut her hair off as a tribute to the Indian Hertiage we share. Daddy, I know you always said, "A woman's hair was her crown and glory", but Daddy she had that for 42 years... Daddy, what happen next I started planning it for the last three years, I knew you didn't know that. Little did I know you were to be buried on Friday, May 30, the day of my 27th wedding anniversary. Daddy, were you proud that your 3 son-in-laws were the pallbears as well as your 3 grandsons? I think they did a wonderful job and they didn't drop you. What did you think about the service at the cemetery? Since Loretta and Jill always either want what I want or fight me over everything, I got one from the funeral home and I went out and purchased two more flags. What did you think when you saw the three flags folded and the military men dropped to one knee at the same time to give us three girls an American Flag and what did you think when you saw your grandson Jeremy dress in his Army uniform give his step-mother Jill the flag from your and the sound of tapes... Daddy, I had planned many special events at my church, but I was so proud of myself when I planned the "Celebration of J.C. Card's Life" Daddy, I have planned a lot of special and amazing events, but nothing will ever surpass what I planned for you. Did you hear the music? Did you hear Connie, Ashely and Don talk about you, did you hear the poem Bertha's wrote for you. How about Jill and the memories of the pee-can. Loretta and I could not talk but Pastor Ray did a wonderful job talking about the memories that we share. I know you would have enjoyed the meal that we had in the Cafe' of the church, chicken, coconut cake, banana pudding all of your favorites. Did you know Molly, grieved for you for three weeks Daddy, you looked for you and she still will not let us sit on your side of the couch. On your birthday Lee and I went out to celebrate your birthday and Daddy, did you hear me tell you that "I love you" and I will cry no more, for Daddy I have been crying in the inside for the last three years. Daddy, I thank God each day that he took you in your sleep, I thank God that he gave me time to spend with you and we made memories. I thank God for the man who wrote such a special book that has helped me and to the people of the Healing After Loss chat line for the pulled me out of depression. Daddy, do you rememeber the email I got from Volleychick, that one email pulled me back Daddy, for I was going into a deep depression. Molly our dog will be joining you soon. The vet said she has an enlarged heart and liver and a tumor on her tail. Nothing will work, but when she comes to visit you Daddy, please let her lick your hand, for she loves you. Daddy, I know you are with me always, for I hear, see you, feel you in my heart and smell your cologne. My days are filled with the love I have for you and the love I feel from you. We may be heavens apart but you are as close to me as God is. You remember when Pastor Ray said I had spiritual gifts and that one of them is and I don't remember what they call it but it is when you feel someone's pain, really feel their pain. Well Daddy, I have had that gift for years. Rememeber I told you we have a church family, well I have a chat family now. Daddy, that is where I can talk to people on the computer just like that. Daddy, they are hurting so bad and I hurt for them, I want to help them so bad. Daddy, there is a man who lost almost his entire family and I ache for me, then a young woman who is barely 16 and she has lost her family with only her grandma. Older lady who has been married for several years and now she has to do things around her house that her husband always did, a wife, a husband, babies who lived for 22 hours, babies that were never born. Daddy so much heart ache in this world and I feel guilty that I was lucky that you went to sleep. Daddy, do me a favor, help me pray for the many people that are hurting whether it be the chat line or not. There is too much pain in this world and pray that they find their own inner peace as I have. Well Daddy, you know how much I like to write and talk, we will talk tomorrow, it might not be on paper but it will be from my heart........ I Love You, Daddy Your Daughter Susie